Scott and James snort together, with help from Michelle

Michelle:
no fair making me snort with no warning - there should be laws against that...

James:
I vote for a smiling girl in a bikini walking ahead of Scott holding a big sign that reads "Snort warning!"

Michelle:
in this weather she'd freeze her bits off - at least make the bikini fur lined

James:
Sort of Xena-ish...

"Snort warning! Aaa-eeeelilililililili!" *smack!*

Scott:
If I'm following a smiling girl in a bikini then she might also want to have a sign that reads "Copious drool warning!"

If this keeps up we're going to rapidly use up the world's supply of bikini clad women.

James:
This must be avoided at all cost, mainly because we will then have to use bikini-clad men.

Michelle:
stop it - what little reputation I had left among my colleagues for being a professional is being shredded at warp speed...

James:
Mr Scott! Full ahead, snort factor 9!

Scott:
But Cap'n, she cannae take no more!

James:
Ye cannae snort the laws of physics!

Scott:
Its worse than that, its snort, Jim!

James:
Captain's log, snort-date 6473.5...

Scott:
Snort me up, Scotty.

Michelle:
Snorting frequencies open, Captain...

Scott:
Your response is illsnortable, Captain.

Michelle:
It's snort, Jim, but not as we know it...

James:
Snort.

The final frontier.

These are the voyages of the snortship Enterprise.

Its five-year mission: to explore strange new snorts, to snort out new life and new civilisations, to boldly snort where no man has snorted before.

[cue theme tune: snort snoooooort snort snort-snort-snort snooooort]