25 August 2008

Scott does not think highly of lawyers

Lawyer #1: "Did you hear that?"
Lawyer #2: "Hear what?"
Lawyer #1: "Sounded like a chilling war cry foretelling our gruesome and bloody end."
Lawyer #2: "Nope, didn't hear that. What'd it sound like?"
Lawyer #2: "Really? I thought war cries were more along the lines of 'I'll have yer bollocks!'"
Lawyer #1: "Nope, definitely WRAAGGHH."
Lawyer #2: "Fancy that. You learn something new everyday."
Lawyer #1: "Indeed we do, indeed we do. And now, back to behaving like retarded rhesus monkeys on crack."
Lawyer #2: "Eeee! Ooo eeeooo!"
Lawyer #1: "Aaark! Eeeeek!"

22 August 2008

Scott discusses track and field

[referring to the Bobby Pearce duck story]
It's one of those wonderful Australian sportsmanship stories that is right up there with John Landy missing his chance to be the first to break the four minute mile barrier by helping Ron Clarke up .

And that of Commander Reginald Pertwee St John Forthington-Smythe breaking the record for the 100 yard "screaming and waving your arms wildly above your head" as he was chased by the natives of the Congo . He's a hero to many sprinters and an inspiration/target for javelin throwers.

21 August 2008

Scott fears litigation

[After learning that his prevous comments about Sydney's train system have been blogged.]

Oh noes! I shall be sued by Sydney's CityRail! I must flee before an exceptionally delayed subpoena turns up at the wrong address!

Scott comments on Sydney's train network

...not including the 30 minutes it takes to work out Sydney trains' arcane ticketing system.

"Select departure point......select destination.....set peak hour......select adult ticket.....select day of the week......select sex......select shoe size......select lunar cycle......select choice of unnecessary network delays....select favourite cheese......select choice of drug addict to sit next to....select random encounter with choice of poultry...."

20 August 2008

Scott re-writes the Famous Five for the modern day

"Oh I say, Generic Posh English Name Person, why don't we go and find some rather lame mysteries to solve!"
"No, I'd rather stay in bed and spend the day shagging."
"Oh.....um.....that certainly sounds.....interesting. Are you sure you don't want to solve the mystery of Farmer Brown's disappearing sheep?"
"No, not really, shagging will be a lot more fun, but don't let me stop you."

8 August 2008

Scott is critical of Channel 7's soccer coverage...

"And there's this guy kicking a round ball....funny shape for a ball, should be more pointy really, anyway.....and he's kicked it and some other guy has it now, but a guy from the other team has taken it off him and stay tuned after the game for the final episode of our exciting Dancing with Backyard Blitz Biggest Loser Random Foul Mouthed Chefs.....and oh look someone scored when I wasn't watching, but don't worry we'll get a replay of that in 10 minutes or so. And now a 20 minute ad break."