Scott on James's excel goodness with dwarves

James:
It needs to be said sometimes: damn I'm good.

After years of wondering I finally applied myself to working out how to make a column in an Excel spreadsheet automatically number itself so that a print-out will have row numbers, and have those row numbers appear automatically when new rows are added and (most importantly) not break when a row is deleted.

It took me ten minutes. I suppose I just got lucky on the Google searches and Excel help searches.

Amusingly, my solution is much better than Microsoft's official one, which breaks when you insert or delete rows in the middle of the list.

So yeah, I rock. I am Captain Excel!

Scott:
Indeed, you are an excel god. Which means, of course, I'm going to pester you even more with inane questions.

James:
I can tell you how to automatically number rows. :D

Scott:
Which i actually need to know since I've been tasked with revising the monster spreadsheet I built for the cancellations team 2 years ago

Michelle:
see - there is a purpose to James going off and learning things about Excel

Scott:
Indeedle. Now can he tell me why the previous updater of my once glorious spreadsheet decided to obscene things to it?

James:
Foetal alcohol syndrome?

Michelle:
whoever it was was an idiot

Scott:
Correct! A winner is you! George, what prize is our lucky contestant winning tonight?

Thank you Alfred, tonight's lucky winner a small psychotic angry dwarf that will stare balefully at him from under his desk while he works and occasionally bite his PC power cable.

James:
I'll come back next week and see if I can win something that won't cause nightmares.

Michelle:
I knew we couldn't keep you off dwarves for long

Scott:
I'm going to turn it into an internet meme

James:
It will be huge, and dwarf all others...

Scott:
*canned audience laughter* Well you can certainly try but we all know how likely that's going to happen on Shub-Niggurath's Wheel of Soul Destroying Torment, Australia's favourite quiz show!

James:
"AAAAAaaaAAAAaAAArgh!!! Oh god make it stop! Make it stoooooop!!!"
"...is that your final answer?"

Scott and dwarves

Scott:
Can we have a new PA please? Our current one is a sucky dwarven prima donna.

James:
You and psychotics dwarves. It getting to become a habit.

Scott:
I can give it up any time I like.

James:
Don't make me stage an intervention...

Scott:
I'm not addicted to psychotic dwarves! I just need them from time to time to get by, you know how it is...

James:
It'll get to a point where you need one or two dwarves just to wake up in the morning. Next you'll be going to the horse races just to follow the jockeys around. You're on a downward spiral!

Scott:
I only need one or two psychotic dwarves to get me started in the morning. Sure, I may occasionally need a another one round my midday, but I need psychotic dwarves to keep me on top of the game. They keep me sharp and in control. Hell, with the stresses people face in the cut throat world of bureuacracy I'm not the only one doing a little angry dwarf from time to time!

James:
I hope you're at least using clean dwarves and not sharing them with others. You can pick up all sorts of nasty bugs doing that.

Scott:
I only share my dwarves with people I know

Michelle:
I now has a nice clean desk, with no clutter, no junk and no dust - however, I will soon have to move around to my new desk (once Rachael packs up), and unpack all my junk and return to chaos

Scott:
And dwarves, don't forget those.

Michelle:
how could I forget the dwarves?

Scott:
You could if you had the shakes from psychotic dwarf withdrawal.

James:
Remember the Dwarven Alamo!

Michelle:
*throttles James*

puhlease - no bad dwarf jokes...

Scott:
What about good dwarf jokes?

Michelle:
there are any?

James:
Why did the dwarf cross the road?

The torment Scott for its own nefarious purposes.

Scott:
*Knock knock*.
"Who's there?"
"Psychotic dwarf."
"Psychodatic dwarf whoarrrrgggh!!!" *squelchy stabbing sounds*