10 May 2012

Scott does not want a ride

I should probably mention the *HUGE* huntsman that was sitting on the fence watching me put the washing on the line last night.  I am so not taking the washing off the line when we get home.

You should have tossed a saddle onto it and broken it in. It could have become your trusty steed.

I don't know if I want a trusty steed the freaks me the fuck out.  I'd be like a sheriff of the wild west that screams like a little girl every time he has to mount up

"Howdy, I'm Marshall Brennan, and this is my trusty steed, Nightmare Fuel."

"Marshall, we're here, you can get off your horse."
"No.  I'll be staying right here thanks."
"But Marshall, you gotta get down from there, you ain't gonna help anyone in the Johnson homestead if ya can't come inside."
"Listen, right now I know exactly where my ride is.  The minute I get off it could end up anywhere.  I ain't movin'."

"Let's head 'em off at the pass! Marshall, saddle up!"
"Uh... can't we walk?"
"What? No, we'll never catch 'em on foot."
"Well, why don't I stay here while you do the heading off and the pass and we-hey...?"
"We need your gun, Marshall! We'll be outnumbered! You gotta come!"

"You know what the worst bit is?"
"Uh...what's that, Marshall?" 
"I mean, you'd think the worst bit was that its a giant hairy eat legged fanged poison dripping multiple eyed monstrosity, but that ain't the worst bit." 
"Uh...no?  You ok Marshall, you're lookin' like you got some kind o' fever." 
"No, I'll tell you what the worst bit is.  The worst bit is when it decides it wants to climb or down some cliff hundreds of feet high.  I mean, all I got is a saddle and a bridle.  When it does that I...I...I gotta wrap my arms around it and hold on for dear life.  I...I have to touch it.  I have to press myself against it.  That's the worst bit."

"You okay Marshall?"
"Uh... no, not really?"
"Yer lookin' a bit green around the gills there."
"Yeah... my, uh... _horse_... got hungry while I was boundary riding..."
"Yeah, oh. The sound of a whole sheep getting its guts liquefied and sucked out is not something I'm going to forget in a hurry."

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