You laugh at Australia's Funniest Home Videos? I cry. I cry tears of blood for the lost dignity of humanity and the ever-deepening sea of ignorance and despair.
Then I strip naked, grease myself up with warm butter, put a tricorn hat on my head, declare myself Napoleon, Emperor of the Wastelands and Saviour of the Five Cheeses and play Rock Band all night. Ah Saturday nights, you are my sole remaining joy.
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