Scott translates jargon for the layman...

James:
I'm blowing fifty bucks on an extra 2GB of RAM for the gaming rig. 4GB will be MUCH better (though apparently on any 32 bit iteration of windows, no more than 3.25GB or so can be used, and you need to go to 64 bit to go up to 16GB or 32GB or whatever it is).

Scott:
I think i'm going to go up to 4gig when I eventually get round to upgrading my box. I'm still deciding whether to go with Vista or hold on til Windows 7 comes out.

Michelle:
gah
*looks confused*
can you explain the rest of that in nice small words that I can understand

Scott:
In terms of easily understood metaphors: I'm intending to upgrade to a bigger weasel and have still to decide what obedience school to take him to.

Michelle:
ah - thank you, that makes things so much easier to understand

Scott proposes a novel

"The Branch Meeting of Tomorrow" is a novel set in the near-future where a totalitarian militaristic dictatorship herds all its workers in to bright, spartan meeting rooms for one day every month, in which they are stripped naked, chained to the wall and have squash balls fired at them from pneumatic cannons carried by robots. This is seen by all concerned as quicker and more humane than the previous definition of branch meetings.

Scott gets help writing a CSI episode

Michelle:
assuming you could find the victim after I'd dismembered them with a coffee mug

Scott:
That'd make a cool CSI episode.

Grissom: "Notice the clean, almost surgical cuts on the severed limbs. This was definitely done with a coffee cup."
Sidekick: "You mean pieces of a broken cup?"
Grissom: "No, a real, whole coffee cup. Nothing quite like an office coffee break."

*cue theme music and shots of unreasonably clean and good looking investigators.*

James:
"The perp's going to be hard to catch. No doubt they've..." *removes sunglasses* "...gone to ground."

Scott:
"The perp should have stuck to his usual decaffeinated instead of....." *removes sunglasses* "....decapitated."

James:
"The victim may have wanted coffee, but this isn't what he wanted when he asked for..." *removes sunglasses* "...a double shot."

Scott:
"Whoever laced this guy's coffee with heroin either didn't know or care that the victim was...." *removes sunglasses* "......smacktose intolerant."

Ow. My brain.

James:
"It looks like the killer deliberately infected the victim's coffee with rabies, so his cappuccino..." *removes sunglasses* "...had extra froth."