Scott on being blogged today

Rebecca:
you're having fun making me go and blog you lots today aren't you?

Scott:
I've given up fighting it, attempting to stop your evil is like trying to empty the pacific ocean using a straw :P

Scott provides some definitions of the term "bah"

"you're wrong"
"don't make me laugh"
"maroon and purple ARE the same colour"
"i find your hypothesis doubtful"

and

"an alternative political system based on the behaviour of african elephants is not feasible at this point in time."

Scott is a public servant

Scott:
and it would appear i haven't had any sick leave without medical certificates this year. i been good.

Rebecca:
so be "sick" sometime

Scott:
possibly. when i not El Juaning

Rebecca:
don't let El Juaning stop you

Scott:
*strikes pose* i have responsibilities and obligations! my duty is to remain at the helm even as the ship sinks!

Rebecca:
hello... you're a public servant

Scott:
a servant of the public! i shall set a shining example of servitude!

Scott and evil chicken overlords

James:

Krap Karate does not work on chickens.*

* Nor, as it happens, on anything else

Scott:

Hehe. I just had a mental picture of an evil chicken overlord, dressed in evil overlord uniform, sneering down at cartoon superhero and declaring "Krap Karate does not work on chickens". Then he unleashes the giant robot chicken army of doom.

Scott is sexy

Rebecca: Scott will strip for me!

Scott: No, I strip for myself. Da-da-daaa... Oooh! I turn myself on!

Scott bans Christmas

The Department has determined that your claims for Christmas do not engage Australia's public holiday obligations and as a result your Christmas has been refused. Please note you have 28 days from the date of this letter to appeal to the Christmas Review Tribunal or to depart Christmas and find a new holiday altogether. Failure to do either by the date specified may result in your detention in a Public Holiday Detention Centre.

Scott on road building

Rebecca:
I'm only pretending to be here while I answer a bloody long survey... why did I have to be randomly selected?

James:
Have you ever used a theodolite before?

Rebecca:
What is a theodolite again?

James:
A theodolite is that telescope-on-a-tripod thing surveyors use.

Scott:
"Arrrrr", said the surveyor, "this be a fine place to build road. Fetch me pirate road building wenches!"

Scott writes songs about porridge

*sung to the the tune of the whitlam's "no aphrodisiac"*

Porridge for you in the kitchen
we're not having toast anymore
gotta eat it up quickly
or i'll give it away to the homeless and poor

There's no breakfast cereal like porridge-ness
as it drips off the spoon and goes gloop.

Scott writes to James's (now ex) boss

*stomps over to James' office*

Hi Andrew

I'm concerned about the lack of direction and instruction you've been providing James [surname]. The inability to provide him with information is not grounds to then complain about the quality of the work he produces, and I would fully expect you to improve in that regard. Additionally I find your lack of consideration for his personal situation to be appalling. With respect I think you should take your head out of your arse and allow me to kick said arse repeatedly with my big boots of stompy arse kicking. Failure to respond to this notice will imply consent to the arse kicking. Responding to this notice will also imply consent. You're screwed either way.

Cheers
Scott

Scott has special cheese powers

Rebecca:
the cheese fiend

Scott:
demonic and all-powerful

Rebecca:
oooh mysterious cheese powers

Scott:
yes. summon cheese, hold cheese. power word cheese. speak to cheese.

Scott's childhood illustrations

pictures of near-stick figure men with prominent nipples wearing top hats while swimming. a lovely picture of our dog at the time levitating outside the house with the wonderfully evocative description "my dog goes up and down". an easter card for my mother with a cowboy riding a dinosaur while a volcano explodes in the background all under the joyful motto "easter is dead. happy easter."

Scott on breasts

Rebecca:
that's why a whole lot of cross over things look bad on me. I don't have generic sized breasts

Scott:
i find the concept of generic breasts amusing

Scott on afternoon

pfft, you call this an afternoon? when i were a lad we had REAL afternoons, afternoons you couild sink your teeth into. you don't get those sort of afternoons anymore.

Scott is simple

Scott:
nah, i simple. cut me open and analyse my DNA and the chromosomes will spell "simple"

Rebecca:
Don't tempt me

Scott:
you and what army, puny human?

Rebecca:
Me and myself and I. I don't need an army bigger than that. If you so simple, you will crumble before my complication