After discussing this fish
Its socially ostracised by all the other fish.
F1: "Dude, I hope you didn't invite Gary to the party tomorrow..."
F2: "God no. Have you seen his head? Its, like, so gross."
F1: "Tell me about it, you can see, like, everything. It makes me sick just thinking about it."
F2: "Yeah, its....shit man, here he comes."
F3: "Bruce, Barry, wazzuuuuuup?"
F1: "Oh hey Gary."
F3: "So what are you guys up to? What's going down in your world? Yo bros, f'shizzle me rizzle! "
F1: "Nothing much, just waiting for something dead to drift by."
F3: "Yeah? Well I can't be hanging around jerking off with you guys all day, I gotta go find me some hos!"
F1: "See ya."
F2: "...........you know, that whole transparent head thing, I think its just a distraction."
F1: "What, you mean like he's trying to distract us from the fact he's a jerk?"
F2: "Yep. Come on, let's go find some weeds to swim in and out of."
25 February 2009
Scott searches for the submersible helpdesk
"Hey, have you seen the tech support guys? I need some help."
"No, they've disappeared. Seem to have dropped off the sonar altogether."
"Sonar? Don't you mean radar?"
"Not with these guys. Keep an eye out for the periscopes, its the only way to track them but they can be difficult to spot."
"No, they've disappeared. Seem to have dropped off the sonar altogether."
"Sonar? Don't you mean radar?"
"Not with these guys. Keep an eye out for the periscopes, its the only way to track them but they can be difficult to spot."
19 February 2009
Scott writes a letter
"Dear Secretary,
Your Department sucks. Seriously. It's like a ball bearing factory run by a bunch of hyper caffeinated inbred weasels. The incessant squealing is only drowned out by the sounds of things falling over and breaking. If you don't rein in your horde of furry insanity I'll come after you with a paperclip, some glue and a rubberband and show you just what I learnt from watching MacGyver.
Your sincerely
The Bringer of the End Times"
Your Department sucks. Seriously. It's like a ball bearing factory run by a bunch of hyper caffeinated inbred weasels. The incessant squealing is only drowned out by the sounds of things falling over and breaking. If you don't rein in your horde of furry insanity I'll come after you with a paperclip, some glue and a rubberband and show you just what I learnt from watching MacGyver.
Your sincerely
The Bringer of the End Times"
Scott has James as the Incredible Hulk
Indeed, James must be like the incredible Hulk tomorrow for the road trip.
"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"Hulk know, Hulk not care. Hulk driving puny car!"
"Well I can tell you that you were greatly exceeding the speed limit. What do you have to say about that?"
"Hulk smash puny speed limit! Hulk leave puny humans in puny dust!"
"Ok, now I could give you a fine for this. Can you afford a fine?"
"Nooo, Hulk no have pockets in puny shorts, coins all gone. Hulk sad."
"All right then, so I'm going to let you off with a warning this time. Slow down. Next time I won't be so lenient."
"Hulk sorry, Hulk drive puny car like grandmother instead."
"Excellent. I'd also suggest changing your music from Tool to Cliff Richard, its slower and less aggressive."
"GRAAARGHH!! Hulk smash puny policeman!"
17 February 2009
Scott writes the snoozy dance
Now I have the "Safety Dance" song in my head.
"We can snooze if we want to
we can leave your work behind
'cause you need to snooze and if you don't snooze
well you're just going to die."
"We can snooze if we want to
we can leave your work behind
'cause you need to snooze and if you don't snooze
well you're just going to die."
16 February 2009
Scott Newsroom
"In shocking news today James D stated that the "old MP3 is the audio layer from v2" while apparently of the belief that what he was saying was off the record. World leaders have unanimously expressed shock and outrage at these appalling sentiments and the Vatican press office released a statement at noon stating that the Pope hoped Mr D would burn in media file hell and may his dangly bits be used as shuttlecocks in games of demonic badminton."
Scott investigates corruption
"Major-General Anderson? I wonder if you could spare me a a few minutes of your time to answer some questions?"
"I'm a very busy man these days you know, but sure. Shoot."
"I'm from the DA's office and I'd like to talk about some money that went missing while you were in charge of it in Iraq. Quite a lot of money actually."
"Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, son. I did my bit to help rebuild that nation for the greater glory of God himself."
"Yes well, we can't help noticing that the $500 million that was sent your way seemed to just.....disappear."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean there doesn't appear to be any new hospitals or sewers or roads or schools or houses or, well, anything."
"Well you can't just start building from scratch you know. There's plans that need doing, and land to clear, and builders to pay and the like."
"Uh-huh. I can't help noticing that since your retirement from the military that you've built yourself a $500 million dollar mansion."
"Mansion?! Good golly boy, it ain't no mansion! Just a quiet little bungalow for the wife and myself."
"It has 60 bedrooms and an indoor monster truck track."
"Uh...no it doesn't."
"Yes it does."
"No, no, doesn't sound like my house at all"
"We're standing in front of it."
"Uh....no we're not."
"You just walked out of it."
".......well ok, maybe it is my house, but I paid for it and built it out of my own money!"
"You built a $500 million house from your military salary?"
"Sure I did...."
"........how?"
"Well you see its......made from recycled material that we, uh, scrounged from the local community and....garbage dumps."
"You're saying you just found stuff to make your house out of?"
"Uh, yes. Yes indeed!"
"Enough stuff to build a 60 bedroom little bungalow?"
"Uh....sure."
"And furnish it too, of course."
"......all recycled...."
"And you just happened to find a 5ft solid gold statue of yourself carrying a suitcase full of money out of Baghdad, which I can't help noticing appears to be the central item of interest in your front lawn."
"......would you believe it was a gift from a grateful Baghdad populace?"
"No."
"Oh. Listen, maybe we can cut a deal? If you give me, say, $100 million will you turn a blind eye?"
"Wait, are you suggesting I pay you a bribe to keep me from investigating you?"
"Sure, that's how it worked in Iraq!"
"Ok, I think I need to arrest you now before you do something bad, like breed."
"So where did all the construction money go?"
"Well like I said there were plans, equipment...uh....land to be cleared....workers to train and pay...and uh.....other stuff... Catering! We had to buy food for everyone, all the workers. Like.....tuna sandwiches and stuff..."
"You spend $500 million on tuna sandwiches?"
"Well I'm told there were other types of fish too."
"Such as?"
"Um.........salmon? That's a kind of fish, isn't it?"
"So you spent $500 million on tuna and salmon sandwiches to feed a workforce that we've found no record of you actually employing who used equipment you hadn't bought to clear land that didn't need clearing to construct buildings that were never built?"
"Well when you say it like that of course it's going to sound bad!"
"So how should I say it?"
"We spent $500 million on good will gestures! Community outreach programs! Nation building! Social improvement networks! Synergised neighbourhood experincalisation opportunities!"
"Paying your bank account manager."
Paying my bank acc - wait, not that one."
"I'm a very busy man these days you know, but sure. Shoot."
"I'm from the DA's office and I'd like to talk about some money that went missing while you were in charge of it in Iraq. Quite a lot of money actually."
"Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, son. I did my bit to help rebuild that nation for the greater glory of God himself."
"Yes well, we can't help noticing that the $500 million that was sent your way seemed to just.....disappear."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean there doesn't appear to be any new hospitals or sewers or roads or schools or houses or, well, anything."
"Well you can't just start building from scratch you know. There's plans that need doing, and land to clear, and builders to pay and the like."
"Uh-huh. I can't help noticing that since your retirement from the military that you've built yourself a $500 million dollar mansion."
"Mansion?! Good golly boy, it ain't no mansion! Just a quiet little bungalow for the wife and myself."
"It has 60 bedrooms and an indoor monster truck track."
"Uh...no it doesn't."
"Yes it does."
"No, no, doesn't sound like my house at all"
"We're standing in front of it."
"Uh....no we're not."
"You just walked out of it."
".......well ok, maybe it is my house, but I paid for it and built it out of my own money!"
"You built a $500 million house from your military salary?"
"Sure I did...."
"........how?"
"Well you see its......made from recycled material that we, uh, scrounged from the local community and....garbage dumps."
"You're saying you just found stuff to make your house out of?"
"Uh, yes. Yes indeed!"
"Enough stuff to build a 60 bedroom little bungalow?"
"Uh....sure."
"And furnish it too, of course."
"......all recycled...."
"And you just happened to find a 5ft solid gold statue of yourself carrying a suitcase full of money out of Baghdad, which I can't help noticing appears to be the central item of interest in your front lawn."
"......would you believe it was a gift from a grateful Baghdad populace?"
"No."
"Oh. Listen, maybe we can cut a deal? If you give me, say, $100 million will you turn a blind eye?"
"Wait, are you suggesting I pay you a bribe to keep me from investigating you?"
"Sure, that's how it worked in Iraq!"
"Ok, I think I need to arrest you now before you do something bad, like breed."
"So where did all the construction money go?"
"Well like I said there were plans, equipment...uh....land to be cleared....workers to train and pay...and uh.....other stuff... Catering! We had to buy food for everyone, all the workers. Like.....tuna sandwiches and stuff..."
"You spend $500 million on tuna sandwiches?"
"Well I'm told there were other types of fish too."
"Such as?"
"Um.........salmon? That's a kind of fish, isn't it?"
"So you spent $500 million on tuna and salmon sandwiches to feed a workforce that we've found no record of you actually employing who used equipment you hadn't bought to clear land that didn't need clearing to construct buildings that were never built?"
"Well when you say it like that of course it's going to sound bad!"
"So how should I say it?"
"We spent $500 million on good will gestures! Community outreach programs! Nation building! Social improvement networks! Synergised neighbourhood experincalisation opportunities!"
"Paying your bank account manager."
Paying my bank acc - wait, not that one."
12 February 2009
Scott bitches about IT infrastructure
Rebecca:
OH good god, can we please have a network that isn't outpaced by snails?
Scott:
I was just overtaken by a snail driving a lamborghini. The snail was wearing sunglasses and had a scarf blowing in the wind.
[after a brief discussion about religion]
Purgatory is being stuck with a computer network where apparently individual bits of information are transported through pipes by gerbils with short term memory disorders.
James:
...and you need to appeal to Bill Gates for an indulgence to escape purgatory.
Somewhere in your department an Ent is sitting at a PC, tapping his twig-like fingers on an over-sized desk, and muttering, "Hoom, hom, what the f--k is taking so long, hoom hoom?"
Scott:
He was doing that for a while, but then he died of old age. Since then the squirrels that were living in his branches have had time to evolve a technologically advanced society that remarkably enough does not contain any computers whatsoever. All their calculations are derived from complex manipulation of walnuts.
OH good god, can we please have a network that isn't outpaced by snails?
Scott:
I was just overtaken by a snail driving a lamborghini. The snail was wearing sunglasses and had a scarf blowing in the wind.
[after a brief discussion about religion]
Purgatory is being stuck with a computer network where apparently individual bits of information are transported through pipes by gerbils with short term memory disorders.
James:
...and you need to appeal to Bill Gates for an indulgence to escape purgatory.
Somewhere in your department an Ent is sitting at a PC, tapping his twig-like fingers on an over-sized desk, and muttering, "Hoom, hom, what the f--k is taking so long, hoom hoom?"
Scott:
He was doing that for a while, but then he died of old age. Since then the squirrels that were living in his branches have had time to evolve a technologically advanced society that remarkably enough does not contain any computers whatsoever. All their calculations are derived from complex manipulation of walnuts.
Scott entertains himself on a Saturday night...
You laugh at Australia's Funniest Home Videos? I cry. I cry tears of blood for the lost dignity of humanity and the ever-deepening sea of ignorance and despair.
Then I strip naked, grease myself up with warm butter, put a tricorn hat on my head, declare myself Napoleon, Emperor of the Wastelands and Saviour of the Five Cheeses and play Rock Band all night. Ah Saturday nights, you are my sole remaining joy.
Then I strip naked, grease myself up with warm butter, put a tricorn hat on my head, declare myself Napoleon, Emperor of the Wastelands and Saviour of the Five Cheeses and play Rock Band all night. Ah Saturday nights, you are my sole remaining joy.
22 January 2009
Scott is a depraved David Attenborough
Suckbeast (also known colloquially as the '5 Dollar Sucky-Sucky')
One of the more unusual creatures adventurers might encounter in their travels is the suckbeast. Resembling a small squat, pink elephant on short, stumpy legs with a wide trunk that ends in a pair of extremely large bright red lips, the suckbeast might be a target for mirth if not for its debilitating suck attack. Latching its lips onto any exposed part of the adventure, the suckbeast will proceed to 'suck' the target's life force, forcing an immediate save vs Fortitude - failure will deprive the target of 2d12 hitpoints and render him/her unconcious until the end of the encounter. Fortunately the suckbeast has no other significant attacks and its slow rate of movement combined with a very low AC makes it an easy target. Its sole defence is its "Big Brown Puppy Dog Eyes" ability, which when used forces to the attacker to make a save vs Will, failure resulting in the attacker taking a -2 to hit for the rest of the encounter and engendering huge feelings of guilt in the attacker.
One of the more unusual creatures adventurers might encounter in their travels is the suckbeast. Resembling a small squat, pink elephant on short, stumpy legs with a wide trunk that ends in a pair of extremely large bright red lips, the suckbeast might be a target for mirth if not for its debilitating suck attack. Latching its lips onto any exposed part of the adventure, the suckbeast will proceed to 'suck' the target's life force, forcing an immediate save vs Fortitude - failure will deprive the target of 2d12 hitpoints and render him/her unconcious until the end of the encounter. Fortunately the suckbeast has no other significant attacks and its slow rate of movement combined with a very low AC makes it an easy target. Its sole defence is its "Big Brown Puppy Dog Eyes" ability, which when used forces to the attacker to make a save vs Will, failure resulting in the attacker taking a -2 to hit for the rest of the encounter and engendering huge feelings of guilt in the attacker.
28 November 2008
Scott translates jargon for the layman...
James:
I'm blowing fifty bucks on an extra 2GB of RAM for the gaming rig. 4GB will be MUCH better (though apparently on any 32 bit iteration of windows, no more than 3.25GB or so can be used, and you need to go to 64 bit to go up to 16GB or 32GB or whatever it is).
Scott:
I think i'm going to go up to 4gig when I eventually get round to upgrading my box. I'm still deciding whether to go with Vista or hold on til Windows 7 comes out.
Michelle:
gah
*looks confused*
can you explain the rest of that in nice small words that I can understand
Scott:
In terms of easily understood metaphors: I'm intending to upgrade to a bigger weasel and have still to decide what obedience school to take him to.
Michelle:
ah - thank you, that makes things so much easier to understand
I'm blowing fifty bucks on an extra 2GB of RAM for the gaming rig. 4GB will be MUCH better (though apparently on any 32 bit iteration of windows, no more than 3.25GB or so can be used, and you need to go to 64 bit to go up to 16GB or 32GB or whatever it is).
Scott:
I think i'm going to go up to 4gig when I eventually get round to upgrading my box. I'm still deciding whether to go with Vista or hold on til Windows 7 comes out.
Michelle:
gah
*looks confused*
can you explain the rest of that in nice small words that I can understand
Scott:
In terms of easily understood metaphors: I'm intending to upgrade to a bigger weasel and have still to decide what obedience school to take him to.
Michelle:
ah - thank you, that makes things so much easier to understand
18 November 2008
Scott proposes a novel
"The Branch Meeting of Tomorrow" is a novel set in the near-future where a totalitarian militaristic dictatorship herds all its workers in to bright, spartan meeting rooms for one day every month, in which they are stripped naked, chained to the wall and have squash balls fired at them from pneumatic cannons carried by robots. This is seen by all concerned as quicker and more humane than the previous definition of branch meetings.
8 November 2008
Scott gets help writing a CSI episode
Michelle:
assuming you could find the victim after I'd dismembered them with a coffee mug
Scott:
That'd make a cool CSI episode.
Grissom: "Notice the clean, almost surgical cuts on the severed limbs. This was definitely done with a coffee cup."
Sidekick: "You mean pieces of a broken cup?"
Grissom: "No, a real, whole coffee cup. Nothing quite like an office coffee break."
*cue theme music and shots of unreasonably clean and good looking investigators.*
James:
"The perp's going to be hard to catch. No doubt they've..." *removes sunglasses* "...gone to ground."
Scott:
"The perp should have stuck to his usual decaffeinated instead of....." *removes sunglasses* "....decapitated."
James:
"The victim may have wanted coffee, but this isn't what he wanted when he asked for..." *removes sunglasses* "...a double shot."
Scott:
"Whoever laced this guy's coffee with heroin either didn't know or care that the victim was...." *removes sunglasses* "......smacktose intolerant."
Ow. My brain.
James:
"It looks like the killer deliberately infected the victim's coffee with rabies, so his cappuccino..." *removes sunglasses* "...had extra froth."
assuming you could find the victim after I'd dismembered them with a coffee mug
Scott:
That'd make a cool CSI episode.
Grissom: "Notice the clean, almost surgical cuts on the severed limbs. This was definitely done with a coffee cup."
Sidekick: "You mean pieces of a broken cup?"
Grissom: "No, a real, whole coffee cup. Nothing quite like an office coffee break."
*cue theme music and shots of unreasonably clean and good looking investigators.*
James:
"The perp's going to be hard to catch. No doubt they've..." *removes sunglasses* "...gone to ground."
Scott:
"The perp should have stuck to his usual decaffeinated instead of....." *removes sunglasses* "....decapitated."
James:
"The victim may have wanted coffee, but this isn't what he wanted when he asked for..." *removes sunglasses* "...a double shot."
Scott:
"Whoever laced this guy's coffee with heroin either didn't know or care that the victim was...." *removes sunglasses* "......smacktose intolerant."
Ow. My brain.
James:
"It looks like the killer deliberately infected the victim's coffee with rabies, so his cappuccino..." *removes sunglasses* "...had extra froth."
30 September 2008
Scott and biscuits
James:
I'm cursing him for taking the last Iced Vovo.
Scott:
No, I took the Iced Volvo. The Iced Vovo developed sentience over night and escaped.
James:
I am a progressive modern man, but one thing I cannot abide is sapience in baked good. Next thing you know they'll be wanting the vote, too, and shipping hordes of their crummy little relatives over
here to steal our jobs and soak up our tea.
Scott:
And then we'll have hordes of single mother biscuits having billions of crumbly offspring and expecting the state to pay for them! We'll be surrounded in delinquent monte carlos, graffitin' our cars and setting fire to our shrubbery!
James:
Who knows where it'll end? Jatz crackers stored in the same tin as Honey Jumbles! Tim Tams with weird, foreign "limited edition flavours"!
Michelle:
more likely animal crackers in our soup
Scott:
And they'll breed with our regular, wholesome, native biscuits! We'll get Scotch Finger Oreos and Kingstons with marshmallow chips and Anzac biscuits with a Turkish Delight filling! Its not right! I didn't fight in two baked goods wars to come home and find that someone's been diddling with my Mixed Assortments!
I'm cursing him for taking the last Iced Vovo.
Scott:
No, I took the Iced Volvo. The Iced Vovo developed sentience over night and escaped.
James:
I am a progressive modern man, but one thing I cannot abide is sapience in baked good. Next thing you know they'll be wanting the vote, too, and shipping hordes of their crummy little relatives over
here to steal our jobs and soak up our tea.
Scott:
And then we'll have hordes of single mother biscuits having billions of crumbly offspring and expecting the state to pay for them! We'll be surrounded in delinquent monte carlos, graffitin' our cars and setting fire to our shrubbery!
James:
Who knows where it'll end? Jatz crackers stored in the same tin as Honey Jumbles! Tim Tams with weird, foreign "limited edition flavours"!
Michelle:
more likely animal crackers in our soup
Scott:
And they'll breed with our regular, wholesome, native biscuits! We'll get Scotch Finger Oreos and Kingstons with marshmallow chips and Anzac biscuits with a Turkish Delight filling! Its not right! I didn't fight in two baked goods wars to come home and find that someone's been diddling with my Mixed Assortments!
29 September 2008
Scott gives the greatest of gifts...
"And you, my faithful peon, who stood beside me while all around was flame and ouchiness, to you I give the greatest gift of all!"
"My leige, I am not worthy!"
"I give you this, my short and hairy peasant: a small wheel of elderly cheese!"
"............"
"I see you have been rendered speechless by my magnificent gift, oh unpleasantly fragrant one."
"......cheese? You've given me cheese?"
"Indeed I have, faithful servant of little brain!"
"After everything I did for you? A fucking wheel of cheese? I fought offthe Hordes of Crotchless-Pantied Nether-Demons for you! I led the charge when we raided Castle Ick while you sheltered in a nunnery disguised as a grandmother! I toppled the Great Tower of G'Ath'Ath'Ack'l'Ath, burnt the city of Sleem and razed the temples of Omnommer the Devourer! I slew the great daemon Unchwunter Klebullous the Splatulent! All of this I did for you! And now you give me cheese?!"
"Yes! Truly your deeds make you worthy of this fine small piece of tasty milk curdlings!"
"AAARGH!"
"Argh indeed, my almost-friend, argh indeed!"
"My leige, I am not worthy!"
"I give you this, my short and hairy peasant: a small wheel of elderly cheese!"
"............"
"I see you have been rendered speechless by my magnificent gift, oh unpleasantly fragrant one."
"......cheese? You've given me cheese?"
"Indeed I have, faithful servant of little brain!"
"After everything I did for you? A fucking wheel of cheese? I fought offthe Hordes of Crotchless-Pantied Nether-Demons for you! I led the charge when we raided Castle Ick while you sheltered in a nunnery disguised as a grandmother! I toppled the Great Tower of G'Ath'Ath'Ack'l'Ath, burnt the city of Sleem and razed the temples of Omnommer the Devourer! I slew the great daemon Unchwunter Klebullous the Splatulent! All of this I did for you! And now you give me cheese?!"
"Yes! Truly your deeds make you worthy of this fine small piece of tasty milk curdlings!"
"AAARGH!"
"Argh indeed, my almost-friend, argh indeed!"
23 September 2008
Scott's a radio DJ
[after James complains about the quality of music in his office]
"It's quarter past 10, you're listening to radio 3 Triple Crud and that was Poseur with their new hit "Argh My Brain it Went Sploosh". Coming up next 3 hours of non-stop Nickelback because you requested it! Well actually you didn't but we don't care because the music companies bought everyone at the station ferraris just so we'd play their mass produced tripe. Ha-hah! And now, 40 minutes of screaming obnoxious ads, brought to you by Coke, because we have no soul!"
"It's quarter past 10, you're listening to radio 3 Triple Crud and that was Poseur with their new hit "Argh My Brain it Went Sploosh". Coming up next 3 hours of non-stop Nickelback because you requested it! Well actually you didn't but we don't care because the music companies bought everyone at the station ferraris just so we'd play their mass produced tripe. Ha-hah! And now, 40 minutes of screaming obnoxious ads, brought to you by Coke, because we have no soul!"
10 September 2008
Scott's Coallition of Concerned Citizens Against James's wrongness
[James is given a list of things to do, numbered 1, 2, 4, and 5 - item 3 is missing.]
Scott:
Step 3 has been censored by the Coallition of Concerned Citizens Against James' Wrongness.
James:
South Australian Attorney General Michael Atkinson has allowed the release of this censored version of step 3 for Australian audiences:
3) [blacked out] goats [blacked out] big bucket of [blacked out] Amanda Vanstone [blacked out] and will likely never return to its original size.
Scott:
Coalition spokesperson Reginald Twitlock had this to say about today's release of a heavily ensored Step 3:
"While its clear a small number of words have been blacked out by the Attorney General's office, there's still enough there to fill in the blanks! Its an outrage! Wrongness such as this should not be allowed in a decent, god fearing society! If I was in charge we'd burn them all at the stake! Think of the children!"
In response, the media liaison representative from the Wrong James Foundation called Mr Twitlock and the rest of the CCCAJW a "bunch of twats." The Attorney General's office would not comment.
Scott:
Step 3 has been censored by the Coallition of Concerned Citizens Against James' Wrongness.
James:
South Australian Attorney General Michael Atkinson has allowed the release of this censored version of step 3 for Australian audiences:
3) [blacked out] goats [blacked out] big bucket of [blacked out] Amanda Vanstone [blacked out] and will likely never return to its original size.
Scott:
Coalition spokesperson Reginald Twitlock had this to say about today's release of a heavily ensored Step 3:
"While its clear a small number of words have been blacked out by the Attorney General's office, there's still enough there to fill in the blanks! Its an outrage! Wrongness such as this should not be allowed in a decent, god fearing society! If I was in charge we'd burn them all at the stake! Think of the children!"
In response, the media liaison representative from the Wrong James Foundation called Mr Twitlock and the rest of the CCCAJW a "bunch of twats." The Attorney General's office would not comment.
25 August 2008
Scott does not think highly of lawyers
Lawyer #1: "Did you hear that?"
Lawyer #2: "Hear what?"
Lawyer #1: "Sounded like a chilling war cry foretelling our gruesome and bloody end."
Lawyer #2: "Nope, didn't hear that. What'd it sound like?"
Lawyer #1: "Well, kinda like... WRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"
Lawyer #2: "Really? I thought war cries were more along the lines of 'I'll have yer bollocks!'"
Lawyer #1: "Nope, definitely WRAAGGHH."
Lawyer #2: "Fancy that. You learn something new everyday."
Lawyer #1: "Indeed we do, indeed we do. And now, back to behaving like retarded rhesus monkeys on crack."
Lawyer #2: "Eeee! Ooo eeeooo!"
Lawyer #1: "Aaark! Eeeeek!"
Lawyer #2: "Hear what?"
Lawyer #1: "Sounded like a chilling war cry foretelling our gruesome and bloody end."
Lawyer #2: "Nope, didn't hear that. What'd it sound like?"
Lawyer #1: "Well, kinda like... WRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"
Lawyer #2: "Really? I thought war cries were more along the lines of 'I'll have yer bollocks!'"
Lawyer #1: "Nope, definitely WRAAGGHH."
Lawyer #2: "Fancy that. You learn something new everyday."
Lawyer #1: "Indeed we do, indeed we do. And now, back to behaving like retarded rhesus monkeys on crack."
Lawyer #2: "Eeee! Ooo eeeooo!"
Lawyer #1: "Aaark! Eeeeek!"
22 August 2008
Scott discusses track and field
Michelle:
[referring to the Bobby Pearce duck story]
It's one of those wonderful Australian sportsmanship stories that is right up there with John Landy missing his chance to be the first to break the four minute mile barrier by helping Ron Clarke up .
Scott:
And that of Commander Reginald Pertwee St John Forthington-Smythe breaking the record for the 100 yard "screaming and waving your arms wildly above your head" as he was chased by the natives of the Congo . He's a hero to many sprinters and an inspiration/target for javelin throwers.
[referring to the Bobby Pearce duck story]
It's one of those wonderful Australian sportsmanship stories that is right up there with John Landy missing his chance to be the first to break the four minute mile barrier by helping Ron Clarke up .
Scott:
And that of Commander Reginald Pertwee St John Forthington-Smythe breaking the record for the 100 yard "screaming and waving your arms wildly above your head" as he was chased by the natives of the Congo . He's a hero to many sprinters and an inspiration/target for javelin throwers.
21 August 2008
Scott fears litigation
[After learning that his prevous comments about Sydney's train system have been blogged.]
Oh noes! I shall be sued by Sydney's CityRail! I must flee before an exceptionally delayed subpoena turns up at the wrong address!
Oh noes! I shall be sued by Sydney's CityRail! I must flee before an exceptionally delayed subpoena turns up at the wrong address!
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