Scott and bureaucracies

Annoying Person: "I understand you're looking at this case."
Me: "Yes I am"
AP: "I'm preparing a possible sensitive case report for John, though I don't really know who that is, and was wondering if you could give me a briefing on what you've done so far."
Me: "John is my director, I've already briefed him on the case AND given him a possible sensitive case report. You don't need to do one."
AP: "Well that's fine, but I still need to prepare one."
Me: "ITS ALREADY BEEN DONE."
AP: "I understand but I have to keep John informed of the progress of this case."
Me: "He's my director, I'm meeting with him daily."
AP: "Yes but.....sensitive case.....informed.....seeking justification for my existence....bananas are spying on me...."
Me: "Fine, here's the sensitive case report I've written, you can take my name off it and put yours on."
AP: "Thank you, and if you can keep me informed of the case."
Me: "But you're not from this section and it has no impact on you, your director, your section or anything even remotely linked to your putrescent existence!"
AP: "You still need to keep me informed because I am clinically insane and will destroy you and everything you stand for if you don't."
Me: "Fine. Nothing has happened. Nothing will continue to happen for several weeks. I will keep you updated as nothing continues to happen."
AP: "Excellent. Now if you'll excuse me I need to run around the office with my underpants on my head."

I hate the people that work in bureaucracies.

Scott on spork usage

The spork was favoured by many roman gladiators as their weapon of choice. Fights between dedicated spearmen and sporkmen were something to behold. Pliny the Younger records that the gladiator Sporkus Porcupinius won more than 50 fights with a spork, including a famous fight against a dozen germanic tribesmen, a lion, two tigers, a Persian on a war elepant and a small elderly goat. The Emperor eventually awarded him the Spork of Freedom and he eventually went on to become a respected senator.